Cheese Puffs and Tofu: Raising Picky Eaters

It lifts my heart whenever I see a toddler eating vegetables. It also astounds me since I could never get my three children to eat vegetables. The only green thing they would eat was lime Jell-o. When comparing notes with other parents, I soon discovered that I had (horrors, drum roll, thunder and lightning) PICKY EATERS.

When my daughter Yael (the oldest) was two years old, I remember going to the pediatrician with her for a “well child” check-up. My voice verging on hysteria, I explained to Dr. Pat that Yael had refused to eat anything other than organic whole grain cheese puffs for a week and a half. I was at my wit’s end. The door to the examination room stood open and I heard Dr. Boyd down the hall laughing his head off. “Is he laughing at me?” I asked Dr. Pat, who smiled kindly and replied, “Yes, I’m afraid he is. You see, you are describing perfectly the eating habits of a two-year-old.”

Once, when my middle child Akili was four, I asked him if he would try a piece of lettuce. He hadn’t tasted any in a long time. He agreed to do it. I gave him one small, fresh, crisp, luminous, green leaf. Akili chewed it thoughtfully and commented, “This will taste like something when I grow up, right?”

Fortunately, Akili, ate many kinds of fruit. But his older sister, Yael, and his younger brother, Sudi wouldn’t touch the stuff. Yael ate applesauce, sometimes, when the mood would strike her, and your guess is as good as mine. All three of them ate watermelon, which was in season for about two months out of the year. You can obtain just about any fruit or vegetable at any time of year in California, but if it’s not in season it tastes like straw. Anyway, I couldn’t serve watermelon every night or it would lose its luster. When they were pre-teens and teens I finally managed to get real fruit (seeds, roughage, and all) into them by making fruit shakes every night at dinner. I put one banana, apple juice, orange juice, and an ever-changing assortment of frozen fruit (strawberry, blueberry, raspberry, mango, pineapple) into the blender. No dairy. Just pure fruit. The banana made it frothy. Presto. They drank it. I thought I was a genius.

I made every effort to keep our home a healthy food zone. I bought and served almost all whole grains (especially bread). If the cereal had sugar as the first ingredient then it didn’t enter our house. No sodas or candy. We usually had one box of cookies or one container of ice cream rationed during the course of a week as a treat (I wasn’t mean, just strict). I tried to slip vegetables into things, but my children were very suspicious. (“Does this lasagna have a mushroom in it?”) We ate a lot of eggs and plant proteins, like beans and soy products. I cooked poultry and fish for the family fairly often, even though I myself am vegetarian. I never served red meat. Although I am a bit heavy on the cheese, most of our protein was fairly low in fat. I always insisted that the children eat some type of protein at lunch and dinner. “You need it for brain development,” I explained, even to barely verbal toddlers. Once, at a birthday party, another parent informed me that my three-year-old had approached the food table and asked, “Where’s the protein?”

Very early in my parenting odyssey, I perfected a foolproof tofu recipe that children love, and this saved my sanity. (Recipe provided at the end of this story.) All of my children ate this tofu for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack. When my daughter was nine, she informed me, “Mama, I’ll keep eating tofu, but don’t tell my friends that I eat it or I’ll stop.” That’s how we became covert tofu-eaters. I cheated by serving the tofu when the children had friends visiting. Other children fell in love with the tofu. If their friends ate it then it was OK for my children to admit to eating it. I put a giant bowl of fried tofu on the table at a potluck BBQ once and the children (mine and everyone else’s) polished it off in record time. I overheard one boy tell his mother, “Mom, you gotta taste this, it’s the best kung fu I ever had. I love this stuff.”

The path to raising children who make good food choices has taken me through some scary places in the outside world. One time at Back-to-School Night, I sat in a classroom while a teacher informed us parents that on Fridays she gave rewards to students who had performed well during the week. The rewards? M&Ms, candy bars, and chocolates. Before leaving her classroom I introduced myself to her and mentioned that obesity and diabetes run in our family and that I discourage my children from eating candy. I suggested she give away something more creative, like books, stickers, pencils, or free passes to the movies. She assured me she would figure out an alternative. On the following Friday, my son came home from school furious at me. The teacher had distributed candy to the other children and told my son, with a pat on the head, “Good work this week. Your mom says you can’t have any candy.”

I became the pariah of the PTA when I complained that they (the parents!) were selling doughnuts to students at morning break to raise money for the middle school year-end dance. “With childhood obesity rates at an all-time high, do you think it’s such a great idea to feed the children doughnuts a half an hour before lunch?” I asked. The response? They said that the children had a choice about buying the doughnuts. What planet did these parents come from? Isn’t there some law that says that, when given a choice between doughnuts and other edible substances, an eighth-grader will always opt for the doughnuts?

I distinctly remember a family outing to the beach that included a children’s food choice that pretty much sums it up. I promised the children we could stop at the IHOP (International House of Pancakes) on the way home. As we drove from the Pacific Coast inland, we passed one roadside fish joint after another. Sudi, who loves fish, started pointing out the signs and reading them aloud. “Look, fresh crabs at that place. Look, fresh fish, caught today. Look Mama. Can we stop here and eat?” I turned to my husband, “What do you think? Should we stop here instead of the IHOP?” Just then we passed a sign that read “fresh octopus.” Akili pointed out to his younger brother, “Are you nuts? We go to the IHOP, we get pancakes for dinner, we stop here and it’s octopus. Which do you prefer? Pancakes or octopus? That’s the choice. Pancakes. Octopus. Pancakes. Octopus.” Sudi piped up immediately, “I can wait for the IHOP. Never mind.”

During those many years raising children, worrying about good nutrition, health, and developing good eating habits, I hoped they would grow into adults who made smart food choices and enjoyed good health. One of my greatest moments of victory came during a phone call with my daughter who had gone away to college a few weeks before. “Mama, you would not believe this,” she exclaimed, “I have met people here who think Kraft Velveeta is cheese! They never ate real cheese.” When she came home at Winter Break, she ate salad. Today, all my picky eaters are about grown (the youngest is 16), and all three of them eat salad when offered a salad dressing that appeals to them (including low-calorie dressings). They rarely drink sugary carbonated drinks. Mostly they drink water, teas, or orange juice. Sudi is a very adventurous eater with a gourmet palate.

My older two children, who have left home, each belong to a gym, where they work out several times a week. My youngest plays water polo and skateboards, both sports that require him to remain extremely fit. My children enjoy excellent health and they look terrific. I am truly blessed. I have come to realize that despite my despairing moments as the parent of picky eaters, I managed to raise three children who have a strong understanding of health, nutrition, and positive lifestyle choices. Many times I thought it would never happen. But those relentless efforts paid off, even though I saw no results for years at a time.

If you would like it, here is some advice for parents who are earlier on in the parenting process than I: Don’t give up. Keep modeling good habits. Keep trying new foods. Keep making the good stuff your children will eat and when they change their mind about what they will eat then think on your feet and try to find something else good that they will eat. Never, ever make meal times a battle ground. Don’t try to convince them of what they like—they know what they like. Don’t be too hard on yourself or your children. Share ideas with other parents. Stand your ground with the whole wheat and non-sugary cereals; the no soda or candy in the house; and insisting that they eat some low-fat protein (not just carbos). And remember that it’s OK to break the rules sometimes just for fun.
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Tofu for Picky Children
For those of you interested, here is the recipe for tofu that children will eat. Use firm tofu, sometimes also called nigari or extra firm. Cut about 10 oz. of tofu into 1-inch squares about 1/8-inch thick (or a little thicker, but NOT as much as 1/4-inch—that’s too thick). Heat approximately two tablespoons of oil in a skillet. When the oil is hot, add the tofu. Splash approximately two tablespoons of soy sauce or tamari sauce into the pan (it will splatter when it hits the hot oil so stand back). Sprinkle the tofu in the pan with one teaspoon each of the following spices: onion powder, garlic powder, ginger powder. Stir the tofu constantly while cooking to ensure that it doesn’t stick and that all pieces are coated with spices and soy sauce. If it tends to stick, add a little more oil and/or soy sauce (not too much, you don’t want it too wet—and it’s OK if it sticks to the pan a little). Cook until the tofu is browned and slightly crispy. Some children like the tofu almost burnt and others like it barely cooked. If you have more adventurous children, you might add a dash of sesame oil. For children who like spicy food, add a dash of Mongolian Fire Oil (sesame oil with hot chili).